I still remember the first book trailer I saw. 

I was living in Chicago at the time and I decided to kill a tar-melting afternoon by leaving my sweatbox apartment and going to the movies. Naturally, I went to see something that was long (so I could sit in the air-conditioning for the longest amount of time possible) and something that didn’t require thinking (too hot for brain activity). I think I settled on something from the Bourne series. I.e. Matt Damon running around for two hours, dodging sniper fire. I can process that in any condition. 

Before the movie began though, something came on the screen that was not a movie trailer. Or a Coke commercial. Or one of those faux-charming “Shut-off-your-son-of-a-bitching-cell-phone-already” things. This film-like object was composed solely of stock footage noirish images and a dweeby man talking. The images: Men lurking in alleys. Guns coming out of the fog. The back of women’s heads. More alley-lurkers. The talking; “Blah blah blah…mystery. Intrique! It all looked like a B-movie trailer from 1975.

Turns out it was a book trailer. I can’t remember the title, but it was something Grishamy (Grishamesque?). 

Then! At the end of the movie (Damon dodges the missile! He lives!) some employees at the movie theater handed me a mini-book. And it was the very same book that had been advertised in the trailer. The mini-books, which sort of resembled those extra small Bibles crazies try to hand you outside the mall, were the first chapters of Gun In The Mist or Man in The Fog or Woman’s Head In The Night (Choose your title)

At first, I was kind of excited about the whole thing. Yeah, I said to myself, books should totally have trailers and sneak-peaks…and billboards and soft drink tie-ins and Happy Meal toys. 

Then I felt a little gross. Because Number 1) Books will never have enough money to make trailers the way Hollywood does (thus the pornish 70’s quality of the one I saw) 2) The great thing about books is that they usually don’t try to trick you into drinking Diet Cherry Vanilla Dr. Pepper. 3) I felt like the trailer and free book I was holding were really saying “we know you don’t read, stupid, but this is kind of like a movie… with words!” 

So, here’s the personal part of this: I have to make one of these things. Or at least, I said I would. And it seems to me like an endeavor fraught with possible missteps. The idea is to make something interesting enough so that it might “go viral”

And permit me an aside here: but how did that phrase ever start meaning something positive? Can you think of any other thing in life that you’d like to have those words attached to? I’ve got this rash…and I’m really hoping it goes viral. I’m going on a date this Friday and…you get the idea.

But what if I don’t want to compromise my (remaining) dignity by acting like a total moron in order to get people interested in my words. So, what’s a boy with no-budget and an anxious publicity department to do?

I’m thinking something DIY might be the right approach. I still remember the power-point thingy Miranda July did for her collection. She made a trailer with a stove-top and dry-erase marker that was both charming and funny. I also liked the animated trailer Art Spiegelman did for his recent book with McSweeney’s. Though, I don’t know how to animate (nor do I know anyone from the Black Keys who’ll do the soundtrack. Though I did meet a guy at the YMCA once who was in a band called the HITZ with a Z!). And finally, there’s the trailer someone sent me where the author creates a mockumentery where he fakes his own death for publicity?

So I guess what I’m wondering is if it has really come to this. Do I have to pretend to fake my own death in order to get someone to look at my book? Or should I just stand outside the multiplex and hand out home-printed copies of my first chapter to people coming out of District 9?

Hello sir. Would you like part of a book?

No, it’s not the whole book, just a sneak peak.

Sure, I’ll throw away that soda for you.

Would you like to hear my live voice-over?

Yes, I have a day job…for now.

August 11th, 2009  •  Uncategorized  •